Story Noº 11 / 151: Pull Me Back to You

Noº 11/151: Pull Me Back to You
Collection: Above the Tree Line

Schrödinger imagined a cat that was both alive and dead until someone opened the box.

It’s an absurd way to describe a relationship.

Mine happened to be exactly that.

Back in May, Jona and I separated. Everyone wanted to know what had happened. I had no satisfying answer. Some mornings I was convinced we’d find our way back to each other. Other mornings I couldn’t imagine ever hearing his voice.

Until somebody opened the box, it was both alive and dead.

Uncertainty makes the impossible feel perfectly reasonable.

One evening, I drove into Mount Shasta, cried my eyes out, and came home holding the moon.

At first, I thought I was making a picture about loss.

By the time I stood in front of the camera, I realized I wasn’t grieving quite as confidently anymore. Hope had slipped back in without asking permission.

Nothing in the composition changed.

Only the person making it.

About one lunar cycle later, Jona and I found our way back to each other.

You might assume that changed the meaning of the photograph.

I don’t think it did.

Some photographs capture what happened.

This one opened the box.

There wasn’t a cat inside.

Just a man who couldn’t decide whether to say goodbye or goodnight.

If this was worth your time, pass it on.

P.S. A final thank you to the collectors who spent an evening on the phone with me while this photograph was still finding its meaning. You listened to me talk about Jona, encouraged me when I couldn’t see very far ahead, and unknowingly became part of this photograph’s story.

And to Niko: thank you for making the pilgrimage to Mount Shasta after collecting the photographs born there. Few compliments are greater than someone choosing to visit a place because of your work.

This work will become a book.
Photographs and field notes by James Miille
Words by Jona Montoya